For most women this is the easiest, least expensive gift a guy could ever give – but rarely does. And it doesn’t require a trip to the jewelers, car dealership, shoe shop or travel agent.

Give up?

TIME.

Could it be simpler? The truth is our lives get so crowded with work, children, chores and general stress that it can feel like there’s barely enough hours in the day.

Young children can be very demanding and older children can be no easier. As they get involved with more after school activities parents can be left feeling like a personal chauffer service. Talks become dominated by the practicalities of life, resembling a daily schedule breakdown more than a conversation between two spouses.

It’s understandable that each partner wishes to spend time getting involved in their personal interests and hobbies. But if a husband who wants to go to the football hands his wife the credit card, he might be missing the mark. As fun as shopping is, a credit card is little substitute for an actual loving, caring husband. Unfortunately the bank cannot meet her needs for both time and attention from her spouse. Not acknowledging this can leave her feeling neglected and overlooked.

A woman wants to know she can be the focus of her man’s interests, just like when they first met. This is not possible all the time. However, for a relationship to maintain good communication and a united partnership both should sacrifice enough time for each other regularly. Work, children and household chores are responsibilities we routinely prioritise. Likewise time, care and attention to each other is a commitment spouses make when they get married.

What is quality time?

The chances are that he may have no idea what she really means by quality time. She may have hopes for a weekly date night, long weekends away and long walks holding hands. But he’s struggling to see how driving the children to school together, isn’t quality time together. The answer lies in the ability to explain your viewpoint. Being able to calmly explain what it is you are asking for without it being full of complaints or criticisms can be a challenge.

The ambiguity of the word time can create a problem. Relying on his imagination to guess what ‘spending time together’ means is likely to miss expectations. However, if you take turns to give a specific use for that time takes away this guess-work and gives both partners the freedom to choose.

The gift of time should be mutually exciting and something both of you look forward to. Finding common ground and suitable compromises helps to get to this stage. The majority of couples can benefit from talking issues through with the guidance of a professional. If you’d like better communication in your relationship, get in touch with Birmingham Counselling Services at: https://birminghamcounsellingservices.co.uk/

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Edited by Anna Perry